When the insides of my being ache for your touch;
I hold you close…
To keep you safe, off and away;
I hold you close…
My arms, they give you wings.

Feet aching of the untrodden moonscape,
Fingers burning with the walls I move…
My eyes searching for open doors,
How they tire of gaping at the lonely wolds…
The wind playing on the harp of my dreams,
Numbing the pain,
Breaking my wont to let go, let be.
So I walk…for a mile more…I walk.

oh happy day!

Pree loped around the magnolia today…following that tiny grubby boy catching bright aubergine butterflies, under the creamy winter sun. So I stood on guard for a while...as they played along in the warm November breeze, chasing dirt and mirth and all things tingly. I stood their long…long, until the sun poked fun at my drowsy eyelids and burnt the tiny hair on my neck, golden with the glow of its crimson softness (surkh lal...ya surkh,sirf lal). Sometimes,it’s just about chasing the butterflies…

papa..

Come tell a story...Say something nice...Inspire me!

-

--- This thing’s gonna kill us.
--- No it’s not.
--- …Rephrasing… this thing’s gonna kill me.
--- No it’s not.
--- I might not die…but its still gonna kill me.
--- No it’s not.
--- How do you know…
--- Because it told me so…ok
--- (Laughter)…promise?
--- You think too much…



--- See you don’t know…they’re dumb…all of em (you say guns’n’roses…they’ll say violets are blue).
--- Then how come you wrote em all those things?
--- Because…I love them.
--- No you don’t…. you wanna…but you don’t.
--- Yes I do.
--- No you don’t.
--- How do you know?
--- Because they told me so.



--- So what I think...is that life really is about
--- mmmm…da ra di mmmm..
--- All it needs is courage…to take it to that other…
--- da ra di mmmm…
--- And to ask yourself if….
--- da ra di mmmm di hmmmm.



--- so…do you believe in god?
--- why... you don’t
--- (laugter) no I don’t.
--- well…good for you.
--- (pause)… see I don’t get the whole…
--- yup…I don’t get it either.
--- so how do you know he’s there.
--- it’s a he…you sure.
--- (laughter) seriously… how do you know he’s there.
--- how do you know he’s not.
--- well I just…
--- yeah… I think I gotta pee…



---so why were you chasing him
--- who
--- the kid with the butterflies
--- because he was chasing butterflies
--- why were you chasing him
--- because I can’t chase butterflies
--- so
--- so I thought…maybe…maybe he’d share.



--- Achilles heel.
--- yeah…so?
--- so the woman drowns the kid.
--- and he’s dead.
--- no he turns into this eternal greek god…
---geek god.
--- greek god.
--- so what’s with the heel??
--- no the heel’s left out.
--- you mean its not in the movie.
--- no the woman leaves out the heel.
--- she chops it off.
--- no no… that’s what she’s holding him with.
--- with the heel.
--- yes and so that gets left out.
--- out of the movie.
--- no out of the whole immortality thing.
--- there’s a whole immortality thing.
--- are you even listening…(stop thinking, start listening).



--- So what does your father do?
--- excuse me…
--- what does your father do?
--- is this thing over.
--- yes it is…what does your father do.
--- he takes his tea without sugar and ties his shoes bunny style…can I go now.



--- k then goodnight.
--- goodnight
--- I love you.
--- …



--- religion
--- you can’t generalize…can you
--- sure I can
--- and that’s is because…
--- because all religions…old or new… have very productively achieved the exact same height of imbecility that there is.
---so that gives you the right to generalize
--- who needs a right.



--- so I’ll do that tommorow.
---yup…me too.
--- gdnight.
--- gdnight.
--- love ya.
--- love ya too.



--- Am still scared.
--- What’s the big deal?
--- Its like am walking…and I can fall to either side.
--- What side.
--- There’s a good…and then there’s a bad.
--- What’s across?
--- What.
--- What if you don’t fall…what if you walk across.
--- Oh fuck me tender…there’s an “across”.



--- namaste bhaiya.
--- namaste didi…good luck didi…good day didi.

post script: Conversations…these days the voices in my head centrifuge their way around, long after am through with them…trying to spew all the madness out I think…trying.