greetings from inside the hole...

Why do I need to have a plan? I don’t even like the word, PLAN, it doesn’t make my tongue sway. Even COMPLAN is better…(hun??). But for PLAN. The shiny crisp pieces of white adorn my tabletop, they’ve been doing the adorning for quite sometime now, am supposed to put my blue in their white. GET DOWN TO IT, I hear every single day. Why would I do that…why would I do something that you have to get down for. Why cant I not have the yellow postid up where its always been…telling me what “TO DO”. Tell me…is it really running away, if all you want is to go back home…HOME…mmmmmm!!! Now that tastes nice. Am gonna go, I tell myself….away for a while (the damn word again). Why do I tell MYSELF of all the people? Because there’s no use, telling them. They know…that’s what they told themselves too. That they’ll go away (for a while) but they didn’t. They’re here, just like everybody else is. And that’s what they know, that it takes more…more than telling yourself. It takes switching off, locking up, shutting down, maybe even running away. To go back home. I pack my bags quietly…at night. I don’t want them to know…you see they’ll hate it. If I make it to AWAY. Because they didn’t, no one did. And it gets suffocating, to hear them at it everyday. Why, well because it’s better to walk instead (chalte raho...ruko mat). And its nice to walk, to feel that numbness fade away, When the blood gushes in, like in a faucet. Making that wooshy noise. I’ll walk out tomorrow…nope I wont run, I’ll just walk out. In front of them, with my bags packed, so they know that am not coming back. Because that’s all it takes. To get up and walk away.