beneath the blinding darkness!!

In the dark hours of my night, I give up. In the dark hours of my night, I succumb. Succumb…yes I do…to the hazy binds of its pungent nothingness. Why, I’ve stopped asking myself that. Why…because sometimes you’re not supposed to.
The far off paradise blurs with each gaze I cast. It slips away as I try and grope it in . It falls apart as I look for it in the filthy remains of my incessant ruminations. Deep into the empty carcasses of my disheveled prose.
I hold up all through…all through laughing, at the meek deep within. Laughing because it is below all rest, to want and mourn out loud. But it is in these intimate darks that I let go…and let it seep in. Into my veins…to rest just beneath my skin. Making it tingly…making it go alive for once. Making me forget everything that needs to be forgotten…making me remember that which I really need to.
They asked me to look around. Then, when I had lost my all. And so I did. Yes I did…to find it (back). Well I did for most of it. But my eyes still search for the missing crumbs that I fortuitously let fall. My heart still wanders for the pleasant woefulness that I let slip away. My fingers begin to burn…itch from the sensation of stretching out. They will not quit until I ask them to. My fear is that I wont.
But tomorrow I will stand up again. Hah…that’s my gift. You see I always do…without a petite little trace of it. Without the tiniest hint of these sparse moments when I allow myself to trip over(and fall down), just to see sometimes, of exactly how it feels to not be perfect for once.
And then I stand up again, to fight another day. Why…because I like it…just like “pa” does…to keep at it. Continually…until you cant anymore. You know, with things like these…you’re not supposed to wear them (on your sleeve or someplace else) but stitch em deep inside. So you can never take em off. Never never!!!